


Giving Up is Not Enough

by WritingYay



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Mentions of Rebecca - Freeform, Minor Violence, Trigger Warnings, before marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 07:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11271150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingYay/pseuds/WritingYay
Summary: Before the wedding drama, before Rebecca's baby and before the prison hell, I give you this bit of angst. Sorry!





	Giving Up is Not Enough

"Where have you been?" 

I could picture Aaron even before I'd turned around. He'd have his arms tightly crossed with his sleeves pulled down to his knuckles; eyebrows drawn closely together and his jaw clamped firmly shut to stop himself from saying something he'd regret.

With an exhausted sigh, I closed the front door and leaned my forehead against it. The wood was cool against my warm skin and it relaxed my racing mind for one beat, two.

"Robert." Aaron snapped again. "I asked you a question." 

Opening my eyes again was painful. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed with the man I loved and never leave. 

I wouldn't be surprised if I found myself homeless in the next few minutes to be honest.

"Out." My voice sounded pitiful in the empty hallway and it made me wince. Aaron must have picked up on it because I sensed him move closer to my back. 

"What's wrong?" 

Everything, I thought. God, so much you have no idea.

"Nothing." Slipped out of my mouth and I inwardly groaned. "S'fine." 

A gentle hand cupped the side of my neck and pulled until I had no choice but to turn round. Aaron's beautiful oceanic eyes were stormy with concern and anger. I exhaled heavily and bit down hard on the plump flesh of my bottom lip.

"We're engaged." He whispered softly and nausea somersaulted in my gut. Not for much longer. He'll hate me when he finds out. "And I've known my fiancé long enough to correctly spot when something's happened. So come on, out with it." 

I didn't realise how long I was mutely staring until Aaron's eyebrows creased together again as the familiar panicked glint returned to his eyes.

"Hey." His voice was smooth and low. Calloused fingertips found my jaw as he shifted slightly to place his other hand on my hips. "Rob?" 

That one syllable- one of the few things that would always make me melt- kicked at something deep in my chest; causing tears to prick at the backs of my eyelids.

"I'm sorry." I managed to choke out and reached forwards to grab hold of Aaron's hoodie. "You've got to believe me, I'm sorry I didn't listen." 

Aaron frowned and grit his teeth together. "What are you on about?" 

"Rebecca." I spat and all emotion swiftly vanished from Aaron's face, leaving him blank eyed.

"What about her?" 

"She-she..." I tried but the words wouldn't form. They scrambled around desperately in my head but somehow wouldn't stay on my tongue. Aaron restlessly raised his eyebrows.

"Huh?" 

I swallowed heavily and weakly muttered with every ounce of remorse I had: "I didn't kiss her back." 

About five different emotions flickered across my fiancé's face at once like a tornado. Shock turned to anger which melted into confusion and then resignation before settling on pure heartbreak. I felt our relationship snap as he pulled away from my body to stumble into the kitchen. His hands rose to run his fingers through his hair in disbelief.

"You... You-" He stuttered and leant his palms against the kitchen counter. I counted the number of times his shoulders lifted and fell every second until his breaths shallowed out again.

"I'm so sorry." I pleaded hoarsely and reached out so my fingertips were grazing across the rippling planes of his back. Suddenly, he whirled around with hurt radiating from him like scalding flames.

"We agreed." There was a shrill laugh from the pub, mocking and pitiful. "We agreed that you'd stay away from that crazy bitch. So what do you do? You lie to my face and break every promise you've made in the last six months in under two hours!" 

"I'm sorry!" I screamed back and clasped my hands together to my chest. "You have to believe me; I didn't lead her on. She knows the deal and she knows that it's you I want, not her."

"Then why do it? Why promise me that you'll stay away from her and then immediately run back to her like a child?" Aaron cried and lurched forwards so he was standing right in front of my face. "Why, Robert, why?" 

"I don't know!" I spluttered and growled when Aaron rolled his eyes; tears running off his eyelashes with the force of it. "It just happened. There was no mediation, no pre-plan just-"

"Desperation? Lust? Love?"

"A MISTAKE!" I roared but immediately trailed off when Aaron cowered away from me, flinching. His eyes were wide and tearful as I looked down to find my fingers curled around his wrist, digging red welts into his damaged skin. Letting go as if I'd been burnt, I stumbled back as Aaron gently tucked his hand to his chest.

"You're killing me." He whispered slowly. "You clearly aren't seeing it Rob, but slowly you're ruining me. Us." 

"And you're hurting me." I muttered back; my shoulders slumped and knees weak. "All these accusations, these hurtful conclusions... You don't trust me Aaron." 

Silence.

"I can't be in a relationship with someone who can't trust me or believe that I want them. I can't marry somebody that's constantly expecting me to mess up." 

Aaron stared at me in pure horror. 

"You're-... you're breaking up with me?" 

Suddenly, the room went from being stiflingly warm to suffocatingly cold. I couldn't meet my partner's eyes as he made a choked up sound before pacing forwards to stand right in front of me.

"Look at me." 

I flicked my eyes to his reluctantly and he placed a trembling hand on my shoulder.

"Don't do this. We'll get through it, we always do, huh?" 

I nodded. "Course we will. Until the next time, and the time after that and the time after that! Don't you see Aaron, we are never going to stop hurting each other. Don't you want better?" 

Aaron violently shook his head. "I want you. I don't want better." 

"No, but you need better." I demanded and reached down to ghost my fingertips over the purple bruise blossoming on his wrist. He flinched and I exhaled heavily. "You deserve to be happy. But you're not happy with me and I can't be happy if you're not." 

Aaron whined and shook my hand off to cup my jaw again.

"Shut up. Just shut up for a minute. Yes, you drive me mad. No, I don't trust you around Rebecca. But Jesus, Rob, I love you. I love you so much and I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you. I've accepted myself finally and I've faced my biggest demons because of you." 

"You're not happy." 

"I'm not happy." Aaron confirmed with a snap. "I'm not happy when you're kissing other people Rob, especially someone you've got history with- and who's still desperately in love with you by the way- and someone I have a problem with. Of course I'm not going to be pleased when you betray me, Robert." 

"It was one kiss." I retorted bitterly. "I didn't sleep with her."

Aaron shrugged. "It's still cheating." 

Words escaped me as I stood there and sniffed. "I'm sorry." 

His eyes hardened. "Are you?" 

"Yes." I sighed. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you." 

"You are good enough for me! What are you talking about Rob? You're just-" 

"Tired." I interjected and spread my arms out in front of me. "I'm exhausted, Aaron." 

"This is you... Giving up, isn't it?" Not being able to bare looking at him, I closed my eyes and cradled my head in my hands. I heard a sharp intake of breath and then suddenly my hands were being removed from my face and I cracked my eyes open in surprise. Aaron's eyes were red-rimmed and there were deep lines of pain etched into his skin. He held my wrists to the side of my shoulders so I had no choice but to listen.

"Don't you dare." He hissed and I shifted uncomfortably. "Don't you dare think inside that stupid, cowardly head of yours that I'm just going to stand here and watch you throw away everything. I'm not going to stand on by whilst you run away from your problems. There's no way you're ending this without a fight." 

"If you loved me then you'd let me go." I muttered mournfully and Aaron snorted.

"No, that's utter crap. If you loved me as much as I love you then you wouldn't be doing this. You'd be holding on to me- us- with both hands and never letting go." 

"I love you." My voice broke; making me sound damaged and hopeless. "I value you more than I value myself. Please don't make me hate you." 

"Trust." Aaron breathed and gently leant his forehead against my own. "I know I need to trust you more. But you need to realise that being that friendly with Rebecca puts me on edge. I'll never trust her and I'll never like her because she's still in love with you. And you're mine." 

He growled the last bit and my knees weakened. "Aaron, I-" 

"Do you still want to marry me, Rob?" 

"Of course!" I pulled back with a frown. "You know I do." 

"Then please try and understand." His voice lowered until it was barely detectable; words were just exhalations. "Please try and understand where I'm coming from." 

I wavered and Aaron noticed because his eyes filled up again. From his face alone, I watched his heart break.

"Okay." 

His eyes widened hopefully. "Really?" 

"I'll try and understand..." I swallowed. "If you promise to try and stop being so cut up about Rebecca. I promise to attempt to understand if you promise to try and trust me again, completely this time." 

He nodded fiercely and leant his forehead against my temple.

"Okay, I promise I'll try. We'll fix this." 

I sighed shakily and dragged the back of my knuckles down his jaw.

"I'm sorry it's come to this." 

He smiled weakly and dutifully ignored how fiercely I was trembling.

"Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was hard to write! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the Robron fandom, hope you are too!
> 
> The whole scenes with Ross playing extreme retaliation actually made my day ;)
> 
> WritingYay :)


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